This picture would have been taken around 1977/78 and is very accurate in showing how I feel I fit in my family (I have no idea who took the pic). I've always felt separate, which isn't a bad thing, just different. We had moved back down to Perth from living in a closed mining community in the north of Western Australia. We'd left for not very happy reasons I won't publicise here. I'm the one at the rear. My parents were very young when they had me, 18 and 21, I'm the oldest by 3 years. I don't talk about family here and they don't know about my blog. Dishonest? I'm not sure, I just like to keep it to myself. I feel the need to set boundaries.
When I saw the subject for this month's SPT it gave me immediate mixed emotions, guilt being the first, then a little fear and a feeling of sadness. Family is so complicated, well mine is and isn't. I guess it's as complicated as we choose to make it. I'm realising this more and more. I'm learning to be accepting, less judgemental and sensitive and to not be forced into a specific role. Everyone has a role in their family and sometimes it works for you and often it doesn't. So I try to just take it all at face value and not remember the past and just be present when I see them. I know they love me and I them.